Fire Pit Tongs Keep Zombies on the Run
It was a night like any other night: crickets were singing, zombies were moaning just beyond the fire light, and I was feeling romantic. My girlfriend is deathly afraid of zombies, so her, not so much. Everyone knows that the foul creatures avoid fire, so we were perfectly safe as long as we stayed close to the flames, but Alicia can be kind of a downer about sex when there's already moaning going on, and she's not the one doing it. As it turned out, the blaze wasn't quite enough that night, and my fire pit tongs saved both our lives. You have to think of it this way: zombies don't like open flames, but they do appreciate decent fire pit cooking, as long as it's brains that are being cooked. In retrospect, I can see that it kind of foolish serve calf brains roasted over an open flame out there in the back yard, unprotected, but hey, I love calf brains. It has occurred to me since the zombie outbreak that, should they ever catch me and turn me into one of thei...